On Again - Off Again!

“So how long have you two been dating?”

“Three years... if you don’t count the two month break last winter, or the five weeks we spent apart after a squabble... or the 1 month we broke up after...”

Sounds familiar? That’s because the on-again-off-again relationship is a tale as old as time itself. Boy meets girl – they date – they can’t seem to make it work – they also can’t seem to completely walk away from each other – so they make up, break up and so on for eternity. 

Ok, maybe not eternity. 

But it’s a path that some of us know all too well. We’ve been through it, we’ve seen our friends go through it, and we’ve even seen Ross/Rachel, Justin/Selena and Katy Perry/John Mayor go through it! None of them last as long as the weekly tabloid stories. The distinct push and pull is exhausting. It feels like a roller coaster more than a relationship. Not to mention, it’s an epic waste of time. *cue Taylor Swift*

Here in India, relationships are unnecessarily complex to the point that it’s actually funny. Throw in castes and religions, marriageable ages, horoscopes, parents-neighbours-building security guard’s opinions, and what-have-you into the mix and it provides so many more reasons to go on-again-off-again in the hopes that love will triumph. Compatibility, love and opinions of the two in the relationship? Well, those go out the window. 

If you’ve ever been in one, I’m sure you’ll relate as well as I do. From my own experiences and those of many, many friends, here's what I gather:

ONCE IS ENOUGH – Everyone needs a breather once in a while – to reflect, change and get some clarity. Breaks are good, but no matter what anyone says, negative behaviour that caused a break won’t go away after it’s over. Plus, if you need more than one of them, it’s time to re-evaluate and move on. 

GET CLARITY ON THE PROBLEM – Most people just weigh the pros and cons of staying v/s leaving. If you really want to stay, you’ll find reasons to stay... and if you really want to leave, you’ll leave. You aren’t really weighing anything. Getting some clarity on the problem is beneficial if you decide to stay in the current relationship, and if you decide to move on, get clarity anyway, so you don’t perpetuate the problem in your next one. 

PROBLEMS DON'T JUST GO AWAY – Yes, the movie-magic of a reunion is nice and everything, so nice, it often makes you forget why you broke up in the first place. Once the fairy dust settles, you’ll still be stuck with the same problems, same relationship and same ending. 

QUIT THE "IF ONLY'S" – A huge factor why people continue make up/break up relationships is the grand idea of what’s possible or what could be. This hinders your vision of “what is.” Don’t get me wrong... it’s great to be optimistic and see potential in people, but a realistic thing to do is to see someone for who they are right now, not the “someday” version of them. Someday is never just around the corner. 

LOVE IS A TINY PIECE OF THE PUZZLE – An important piece, no doubt – but it doesn’t complete the picture. Other important elements you need are trust, security, priorities, communication and a whole bunch more. It’s hard to let go of someone you love, but love alone isn’t strong enough to make a relationship work. 

*SIGH* INSECURITIES – “Is he going to end it again?” “Is she going to change her mind again?” “Are we going to fight about the same thing again?” – These tumultuous thoughts make you to lose yourself while trying to make it work. Living with a sword dangling above your head is not worth your piece of mind.

ASSUME AN OUTSIDER'S PERSPECTIVE – Don’t tune out loved ones who voice concerns over returning to an old relationship. They’re rooting for your wellbeing and aren’t wearing the same rose tinted glasses you have on. If you don’t value their opinions, sit down and examine the cold hard truth from a neutral perspective Also, get some new friends. 

THE COSY COMFORT FACTOR– Ah, the comfort zone is so much comfier in an old relationship. We all prefer something familiar rather than being alone so it's easy to get stuck in the rut. Any tips for to get out of this tricky situation?

EVALUATE CHANGE – It’s important to figure out why the relationship has ended in the first place, rather than focusing on the warm, fuzzy bits. If it was situational – has the situation changed? If there were commitment issues – has that been sorted? It’s brutal, but rip the bandage off and get some answers. 

ACTION V/S WORDS – Take it from a blogger – words are easy. Action takes a whole lot more work. Make sure your partner is actually doing what he/she promised. With all the flowery promises and apologies, it’s easy to assume that they will do what they say. News Flash: If they haven’t before, they won’t now. 

MAKE A DECISION, DAMMIT -  Don’t go in or out of a break with a “We’ll see how things go” attitude. It leaves one or both individuals without closure, which is troubling to say the least. There has to be some re-evaluation before deciding to make up or break up once and for all. 

Everything being said and done, remember one thing. The issue that was big enough to end your relationship once will probably be enough to end it again...and again. The lack of communication or commitment, ego or trust issues, failure to compromise, “marriageable ages” and other Indian-specific problems... whatever! 

So.. this was fun. Do you think I should start my own advice column? Lol!

What do you think of the on-off relationship? Let's talk! Have you been in one or learnt anything from it? Hit me with your wisdom.

xoxo

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7 Things to Marvel at in Hampi... and then some!

I can’t believe I’ve written two posts on Hampi without even mentioning what there is to see there! If you haven’t read them yet, check out my Royal Enfield ride to Hampi and a little about it's hippy-trippy vibe. 

The weather was unbearably hot when I visited in February. We crossed the river in a deceptively tiny boat who’s motor painfully spluttered while pushing along 5-6 bikes and 10 people. Walking through the city would have been fun if the weather was cooperative… but since it was scorching, we decided to hire a rickshaw.That turned out to be a really good decision because it saves so much time not having to search or ask for directions and we were thankful of the moments of shade it provided when we travelled. Secondly, autorickshaws charge depending on how much time you have on hand and what you want to see. If you tell them you have all day and want to see everything, you will have to pay around Rs. 600 which is not bad at all (could even be Rs. 400 if you haggle!) The drivers are very friendly and will give you a guided tour for an additional charge.

Virupaksha Temple will probably be the first stop. It predates the existence of the Vijaynagra dynasty yet still functions today. With it’s faint aroma of coconuts and incense, it stands at 160 feet at the end of an old bazaar lined with shops and is the only temple with its own elephant. Beware of people telling you that you need to pay to take pictures inside - it’s not true at all. 

Ugra Narasimha Statue or Lakshmi Narasimha as it is more popularly called is a huge statue, slightly comical looking monolith. Narasimha, being half man and half lion is an incarnation of Lord Vishnu, sits on a coiling snake and is protected by the serpent's seven heads. A few steps away is another monolith, one of a ShivLinga that’s partly submerged in water. 

The Lotus Mahal is one of my favourites because of the gorgeous architecture and cool, peach coloured stone. Just adjacent to it is a row of elephant chambers that still smell like elephants. This massive structure could hold a dozen elephants in their own separate “rooms.” Both the structures are noticeably cooler, almost like it was air conditioned. I spent a good 15 minutes sitting in one of the elephant enclosures because it was so peaceful and smelt like elephants :) A pretty little watch tower is situated in the same enclosure.

Sister Rocks – You’ll inevitably find yourself face to face with two gigantic rocks in Hampi. Legend has it that two sisters visited Hampi and inspite of it’s beauty, belittled the place. They instantly turned to stone by the Hampi Gods who destined them to never leave the land. One of the rocks recently split in half and locals believe that it is because one of the sister’s lives had ended. 

The Queen's Bath – Another magnificent piece of work, this massive has corridors that surround a gigantic pool where the queen used to bathe. Open to the sky, this luxurious bathing area has lookout points from where the royal maids used to wait. Yet another public bathing area is called the Ancient Bath, an octagonal shaped platform with tiny steps and small bathing space that looks like it would have been too cramped for the public.

Vijay Vitthala Temple – Extravagant and stunning, this complex holds the icon of Hampi – a stone chariot. It is called the Garuda, the celestial vehicle of Lord Vishnu. Another fascinating feature of the temple is the musical pillars – hundreds of stone pillars that produce musical tones when tapped. I could have easily spend an hour here, people watching – but it was too hot and was the last, exhausting stop.

Visit the birthplace of Lord Hanuman – Although not technically in Hampi, the Monkey Temple on Anjaneya Hill in Anegondi is something you need on your bucket list. 600 excruciating steps will lead you to the top of the hill that’s crawling with monkeys. Once we reached the summit, you can jump from boulder to boulder and reach the edge from where the scenery is breath taking. My knees were jelly at this point and I was so out of breath it wasn't even funny. It’s one of the most preferred spots that tourists come to in order to watch the sunset.
Tip – Keep your belongings close… the cheeky monkeys make off with items that rouse their curiosity.

There are a handful of other smaller shrines and temples to be seen like the Balakrishna Temple, Hazaar Rama Temple and Achyutaraya Temple that won’t take much time to visit.Also, don’t forget to ride in a coracle (round boat)

You can visit all the monuments by buying only one ticket that costs Rs. 10/- outside any of the temples. Some of them are free. 

That wraps up my adventures in Hampi. Have you had any there? Comment below and tell me about it!

Cya next time!

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The Past in the Present

They say Hampi is so small, you can see it all in a day, maybe two. I don't agree. Hampi is unreal, bewitching and architecturally resplendent. Giant sun-baked boulders perch precariously over each other and stretch over miles of terrain with palm trees that look tiny in comparison dotted in between. Rice fields and banana plantations along tiny roads, a perfect azure sky peppered with white clouds make it look postcard perfect.

Toy-like motorcycles slowly puff along, looking misplaced in this “forlorn ruin” setting that still glimmers through the harsh destruction of time. Hampi was once a land of temples and more temples. It’s easy to get transported to the days of yore and begin imagining how things must have been then.

Have you heard of the Hindu epic Ramayana? Hampi is believed to be where most of it happened. The ruins that date back to the first century was once the buzzing ancient capital of the Vijayanagra dynasty – a strategic spot, considering that three sides hold unscaleable hills and the fourth, the treacherous Tungabudra river. Obviously, this is a UNESCO world heritage site!

There are many water bodies in Hampi – a river, a reservoir and a lake with water so blue you can’t resist jumping in. Which is probably why there are so many warnings forbidding people to do so because of crocodiles. Since most of these areas are enclosed, it doesn’t make sense for crocodiles to live there, and local waiters we made friends with told us there weren’t any. It’s just there to scare people off so that the water remains clean and accidents are prevented.

I loved these dainty boats. One can go for a ride in them in groups of 6 or 8 for Rs. 200/- per person. 

WHERE TO STAY:

Hampi is not the place to go to if you want luxury. Most of the accommodation is in thatched huts – so you may need to forget modesty and inhibitions and just change your clothes or bathe lightning fast. Not that anyone cares to peep into other huts. But it embodies simple, basic living with no modern amenities, including mobile network. Pretty refreshing, if you ask me!

I stayed at Whispering Rocks at Sanapur which is decent. These huts are relatively comfortable as compared to the other options available - cemented rooms and caves – yes, caves. I’ve heard good things about Gopi Huts and Mowgli Huts so you may want to check those out because they offer great views of the rice fields! Accommodation in most places ranges between Rs. 500-800/- per day for two people, while caves cost Rs. 4000/- and can accommodate around 8 people. Go figure!

One can even choose to stay at Hospet, which is around 13 kms from Hampi. Sanapur is another option that’s 4-5 kms from Hampi and involves a 2 minute boat ride across the river. Hampi itself has a few lodges but being a temple town, no alcohol is served.

WHERE TO EAT :

The city has the cutest, most colourful cafes that are surrounded by trees and chirping birds.. Surprisingly, the food isn’t basic at all. You have a range of Lebanese food, Mughlai, South Indian, Continental and even Italian Fare. There are so many options that you never have to eat at the same place twice. 

What I loved most about them was the hippie-like vibe in every place. Low marble tables and mattresses on the floor to sit/sleep on eating makes you instantly feel like you're on holiday. Trippy music in unknown languages, psychedelic lamps, a casual ambiance with cool breeze - blissful!

That reminds me... everywhere you go, you’ll find people smoking up or trying to sell you weed, including the person who rows the boat! It's pretty strange the way people openly deal and smoke. Hmm....

So that's pretty much it about the cooler side of the river. In my next post, I'll talk about what there is to see and do on the other side of the boat ride. Stay tuned! And don't forget to follow me on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram

Bye!

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